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madmare
Platinum Member
England
2129 Posts |
 Posted - 02 Apr 2007 : 5:12:41 PM
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Not that I want to worry anyone about to fly off on their holidays but please read these......................
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems and document their repairs on the form, then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded
by maintenance engineers.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget.
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Grey Girl
Platinum Member
England
1554 Posts |
Posted - 02 Apr 2007 : 6:58:34 PM
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My favourite is a RT transmission which Himself witnessed:
A 1-11 was doing a precision approach to Ringway (Manchester); during the course of such an approach ATC will remind the pilot to lower and lock the gear. However, the pilot pre-empted the reminder with a transmission of: 'Gear down and locked'.
The following plane was a little Cherokee and at the same position its pilot brightly announced, 'Gear down and welded'
Well, alright, maybe you had to be there...
And Why does a BAE146 have four engines?
Cos there isn't room on the wings for six.
Ok, I'll go away now...
Grey Girl |
 Said the little eohippus, "I´m going to be a HORSE"  |
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madmare
Platinum Member
England
2129 Posts |
Posted - 02 Apr 2007 : 7:00:51 PM
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| that must have been interesting...I have a mental image of this little guy with a welding torch hanging out of his plane in mid air. |
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akitamom
Gold Member
England
903 Posts |
Posted - 02 Apr 2007 : 7:25:16 PM
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| The last one had me in stitches,taking the hammer from the midget,i was laughing so hard my OH turned the tv up. |
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Tahir
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4572 Posts |
Posted - 03 Apr 2007 : 02:33:10 AM
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So that will be me staying on the ground from now on LOL!!!
Carla, xx. |
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swalk
Gold Member
United Kingdom
769 Posts |
Posted - 03 Apr 2007 : 7:50:45 PM
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Oooh that used to be my job!!!!
I had to transfer what was on the tech log (gripe sheet) onto the database.
Have seen many funny entries including - pilots seat cushion worn out, needs replacing. Action - cushion plumped up (mental image of grimy engineer plumping up pink fluffy cushions!). Also, Pilot - PA volume too loud, action - volume knob turned down.
Again you probably had to be there.....
There were also lots of references to knobs and not pulling them too hard |
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madmare
Platinum Member
England
2129 Posts |
Posted - 03 Apr 2007 : 8:02:18 PM
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| swalk..I bet you had a laugh at some of those!!!! |
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SueB
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3218 Posts |
Posted - 03 Apr 2007 : 8:32:06 PM
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I used to work on 1-11 and old Comet planes God that makes me so old.
Once an engine caught fire not long after take off on an old Comet. A very scared passenger pointed out the window towards the visible smoking engine, shaking and almost crying, his partner praying..I confidently said, it's OK we do have one other engine.
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