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georgiauk
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2605 Posts |
 Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 12:13:54 AM
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Dear Pets:
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years.
Canine/Feline attendance has never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal/or your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
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bridie
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2395 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 08:33:04 AM
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| Very funny...........especially the bed bit lol |
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Bebely
Gold Member
United Kingdom
813 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 10:03:22 AM
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Loved this. I am sure we all relate to this.
I'm so glad about the bed bit! Boris (large Groenendael!) understands bedtime routine. As soon as we stand up and switch the TV off he legs it upstairs, jumps on the bed and stretches full length, legs out in the middle. Howard then squashes in one side, bum hanging off the edge of the mattress, I do the same on the other side.
WHY? Why don't we just move him!
 
Bev |
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joe
Bronze Member
55 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 1:40:43 PM
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| HILLARIOUS! Can relate particularly to the bathroom bit. My kids (bengalx kittens)sit, one on the toilet and the other on the window sill or even sometimes in the shower/bath with me. This morning after my partner had unusually made my sandwich for lunch, fiz decided he wanted a bit so pulled it onto the floor, tried to unwrap the cling film, then realising there was no tasty chicken inside thought he would play ball with it instead. |
Edited by - joe on 31 Dec 2003 12:40:16 PM |
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primrosepye
Silver Member
433 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 2:20:50 PM
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Absolutly fab. I gave up shutting the bathroom door years ago - the heavy breathing/sniffing from the other side was too offputting!
Well done |
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CAM2
Bronze Member
United Kingdom
240 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 3:11:39 PM
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God thats so funny
We too suffer from heavy breathing and snuffling behind bathroom door
Constantly fight for the settee in the evening 
And if god forbid we have to leave without pooch, arrive home to some form of angry retalition 
But would never be without em |
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georgiauk
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2605 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 6:45:04 PM
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Glad you liked it. It struck a real chord with me, having bought the doggy sofa and the cat craddles all to no avail. I've got used to showering with a feline spectator and used to think it was the water running down the cubicle he liked (must look funny with only one eye) but after he jumped in as I jumped out and prompltly lay down I'm not so sure?! Maybe I should leave it running for him??? What a clean puss!
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t_linington
Gold Member
United Kingdom
815 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 8:11:07 PM
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Very good, it sounds all to true, and my little dear is only a Jack Russell...how much quilt does a small dog need??????
Tina.
tina linington |
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joe
Bronze Member
55 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2003 : 8:58:36 PM
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| I too have a huge, not to mention expensive seletion of cat beds and yet they choose to sprawl on the sofa leaving inches of room for us mere humans!! Maybe ill start to sit in the cat igloo! |
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suyents
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1651 Posts |
Posted - 21 Nov 2003 : 09:23:05 AM
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Absolutly brilliant Lynne,
And i can identify with just about all of it...worrying really!!...except i have to say in their defence, not the part about children, but then i KNOW how lucky i am!!(Three dogs, five cats, seven horses, two children.....Maybe i'm just dellusional...)
suyen. |
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Valentine Arabians
Gold Member
United Kingdom
586 Posts |
Posted - 21 Nov 2003 : 3:48:38 PM
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That was absolutely brilliant!
Oh, what I would not give to have more pets (including the equines) instead of the teenage son, at times! We too, have the bed and bathroom problem. We have now started suffering with the disappearance of the carrots from the stable yard and find little trails of orange all the way back into the house and onto the bed - I don't know which is worse - biscuit crumbs or carrot crumbs.....!
I now find it extremely embarrassing trying to explain to our livery why her carrots are disappearing at an alarming rate, not to mention mine AND a very fat dog (getting fatter by the minute) and no, she's not pregnant - just on a 'see food and eat it' diet!
Liz |
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Bebely
Gold Member
United Kingdom
813 Posts |
Posted - 23 Nov 2003 : 8:35:29 PM
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I want you to all appreciate that this photo comes to you at great personal sacrifice.
I had to let Boris get in bed before me. Once he is in, I'm too small to argue!! This is a king size bed - so unless we get two of them?????
Boris has his back comfortably snuggled up against daddy's legs. Mummy can sort herself out when she's finished messing about with that camera
Bev |
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