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angelarab
Platinum Member
 Wales
2876 Posts |
 Posted - 04 Apr 2009 : 6:27:05 PM
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Went to see an old school chum who is due her first baby 23rd May, she is 30. it was weird hearing from your best mate the truth about pregnancy and seeing baby move.. which i found fascinating but gross. Anyway reported back to OH about my day to which he declared he is ready for a baby.... he is 33 i am 31, and NO WAY is it in my game plan, he said three years ago he hated the idea, he seems to think give it a couple of years and i will feel the same. I have never wanted off spring ever, is anyone else in a similar situation?
Reasons why i don't want children
1. i feel really uncomfortable around small children/babies, even my siblings when they were small
2. I worry i will hate the child and resent being a mum
3. I had a really really pants childhood, and although that would guide me into not making the same mistakes,i think i would feel eternal guilt that i was never good enough.
4. I like to do what i want when i want including sleeping!
Humm
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 "Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
www.northwalesarab.co.uk |
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LIV
Gold Member
England
705 Posts |
Posted - 04 Apr 2009 : 8:58:00 PM
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| I have a ten month old boy but still don't like other kids! I don't go to mother and baby groups as I don't fit in and haven't got a nice thing to say about their children. I was like you and said I would never have kids but now I have Will I wish I'd had him when I was a bit younger (I am 33). You still have a few years yet to change your mind! |
     
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jacki
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1988 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 10:06:31 AM
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i work with kids as a childmnder other peoples kids are always naughty rude and i cant understand them! i have 2 of my own and 2 step kids who are great my oh loves kids, parties having friends round! i love mine to bits and wouldnt be without them but i cant wait till they go to bed at 7 and i get time for me!
discuss him being a stay at home dad! They dont stop the horsey stuff or going out my kids fit into my life not the otherway round! but saying that you do need to make comprimises mainly on time with oh and buying stuff for you. We had our kids young so we can go off travelling when they are older and enjoy having time and money while were young enough to still enjoy it! We work on the theory everyone struggels when starting out!
Dont dismiss it but dont feel you have to have kids if you really dont want one. Some help i am ill just stay here on the fence |
sittingbourne kent |
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carole ferguson
Silver Member
United Kingdom
457 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 10:21:03 AM
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I was never interested in children or babies - and certainly never wanted one of my own - then I got pregnant when I was 39 - ended up not getting married - so have bought up my wonderful son on my own. He will be 22 this year - and he is certainly the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the kindest most caring person I have ever known - he works for my friend with all her arabians and miniatures - and she tells everybody he is the best man she has ever met - so amazing with all the horses - and she could not cope without him. She even said she wished she was 45 years younger.
He seems to have a real gift with all animals - particularly horses - and they all love him. He may be showing my Palomino part-bred arab this year for me as I will not be able to.
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Lanabanana
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2691 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 11:22:49 AM
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I wonder if men would be so keen on having babies if they had to go through it
I was the same as a couple of the others who've replied.
Having kids was never on my agenda, but when I found myself pregnant nor was a termination.
I've never cooed over babies (only baby animals), never wanted to hold them. Even after having my own I never wanted to hold anyone elses, although my mother in law always insisted on plonking her sons and daughters new offspring on my lap, I couldn't wait to get rid of them.
The only time I ever felt vaguely broody was when I got to 42, I briefly thought maybe a third child was a good idea (clock ticking and all that) it soon passed.
No one can tell you what to do, it's your body and your life, but obviously you'll have to discuss it with your OH.
I really feel for you, it's a massive potentially life changing decision. Big
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Hampshire. |
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Moira
Gold Member
Scotland
503 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 11:50:34 AM
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I'm with you on this one Angelarab. I have no interest at all in becoming a parent and have known since I was very young that I didn't want kids. Since I'm now 40 I can't see me changing my mind. Luckly my OH has no interest either and he'd better not change his mind |
  
***Zak******Zhaazeer*****Gremlin |
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mittens
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2109 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 12:35:15 PM
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I feel exactly the same. I'm now 35 and although sometimes I like the thought of a mini-me it absolutely terrifies me! I hate the thought of my body being invaded and have never understood women who coo over any child they meet;it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Also I don't want my entire topic of conversation being about the bump etc and people suddenly forgetting I am still a person! My sisters both have 4 kids and one especially lives just for them and now they're growing up and moving away she hasn't got a clue what to do with herself!Funnily I'm fine with my exes little boy and he loves being here,and kids always come up to me and want my attention!! I never say never but Mum was never broody either and my childhood was very up and down regarding secure family unit.Dad was in and out of our lives loads so trust in men to stick around is also an issue.Yo are so not alone! |
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nrisby@btinternet.com |
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Bex
Gold Member
Wales
559 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 1:08:25 PM
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Hi Angel
I felt exactly like you, I hated children and was totally uncomfortable around them I had all the concerns you have, but my OH is Greek and was very keen to have a family, I made him wait years!
But I had to give in when I was 34 and he was 39 and now we have Harry who is 3 in September 
Harry's amazing and quite unique, but I still don't like other children and like Liv says I never went to the mother and baby groups just couldn't face it and wouldn't fit in!
You never know in a couple of years you might feel differently and be pleasantly surprised with baby  !
See you at the show on the 26th?!
Becci
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Grey Girl
Platinum Member
England
1554 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 3:33:36 PM
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Well, angelarab, at least he's not pushing you into having a baby Right Now. Think about it a lot... a child is far, far more than an animal: they must come first, regardless of anything else, and it is very hard to give them away if you change your mind! It's rotten if one person in the relationship wants a child (or more children) and the other doesn't. I feel deeply for you as we have had friends part over this issue (sorry to be so depressing).
I always thought I'd have loads of kids - so did my family - so it's quite weird that I haven't had a one and now it's too late even if I wanted to. Part of me does feel sad that I'll never have the fun and joy, plus the pleasure of the company of one's adult children - other friends have adult kids now and they all have lovely relationships.
It's quite common to dislike children as a species and yet adore one's own, so don't worry about that aspect. Lots of people I know didn't particularly want children but were delighted with their offspring - including one girl who hadn't intended having anything whatsoever to do with the baby she had to keep her husband quiet (he was going to stay home with it), and she ended up loving being a mum and had three and became a stay at home mum. Happy ending.
Hope you have a happy ending too. |
 Said the little eohippus, "I´m going to be a HORSE"  |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 6:23:09 PM
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You are not alone! I'm almost 35 (eekk!) and have always been in the 'Don't want Anklebitters Club" OH has always known this from the word go...I have known one half of a couple suddenly make the announcement they don't want kids & its gone horribly wrong.
I'm always the one who legs it when babies are being passed round (they make me itch!)
I never know how to console small crying people..a pat on the head never quite works!
When I announced I had a new job in a school EVERYONE said "But you HATE kids!"
If we visit families with kids AND animals I'm the one rolling round on the floor with the dog...need I continue!?
On a plus point, I'm godmother to my 6 yo nephew who I adore. We take him out for fun days, get to feed him loads of 'something nice' as he puts it & them once he's reached a sugar rush of about 100% I drop him off home to my sisters  |
      
Claire & Sunny x
http://sunnyandclaire.blogspot.com/ |
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dinkidoo
Gold Member
United Kingdom
652 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2009 : 9:15:36 PM
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Aww Aunty Claire how can you say this! You know you love my little ankle biters
Seriously though they are flaming hard work and stop me doing all my fave things and demand all my time and energy. I couldn't even have my first hangover since having them in peace yesterday. They were bouncing all over me from 7am and i'd only got in at 2.30am!
Big decision for you but bless your hubby getting all broody that is sweet! |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
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M Robson
Silver Member
Wales
398 Posts |
Posted - 06 Apr 2009 : 6:32:36 PM
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Just sleep in a different room and tell him some children can bite, or simply watch the Omen together. All of these things have been known to work!!!  |
www.marley-arabians.co.uk |
Edited by - M Robson on 06 Apr 2009 6:34:24 PM |
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Michelle
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3197 Posts |
Posted - 07 Apr 2009 : 4:15:45 PM
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I never wanted kids, not interested in kids, failed to see the attraction and found many of my friends babies annoying and grubby!
I always said I would have a baby if it came out with 4 legs and fur!
But, I got pg by accident and I could have been upset or pleased.... I chose pleased.... my hubby was over the moon. It all suddenly became very exciting and I was devastated when I mc'd at 11 weeks.
Now I have a gorgeous daughter.... and you can have it all, you don't have to give up what you love doing. We still have horses, a social life, eat out, holidays etc. My child fits into the life I already had, only she enriches it.
It's a cliche but so true when people say you feel different about your own!
My friend has a baby 2 weeks old than mine and i feel so awkward holding her, like I have never held a baby in my life!.... your own are deffo very different!
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IIsis Arabians
www.iisisarabians.com www.ali-abbas.co.uk
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