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mad alice
Gold Member
 England
854 Posts |
 Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 9:24:38 PM
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Just recently I have decided to try internet dating out.It's been over 12 months since I split up with my partner and sometimes i feel a bit lonely. I don't have any opportunity to meet men, as I work in an environment where everyone is married. Some of the men's descriptions of themselves are very funny! I have been receiving messages from one very nice man so I decided to meet up with him. He described himself as 'nicelooking''fun personality' 5'6' wealthy. Umm thinks I, this sounds promising! So we met up and my jaw dropped! Bless...his description was a little short of the mark! He was only about 5ft and his lovely black hair in the photo was grey. His fun personality was also in hiding! He bored me ridgid for 2 hours with a tutorial on masonic rituals.
Isn't it funny the impression you get of people you speak to on the internet? Have you ever met anyone you speak to on the web and been surprised by their appearance and personality in real life?
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Edited by - mad alice on 26 Mar 2009 9:25:45 PM
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dinkidoo
Gold Member
United Kingdom
652 Posts |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 9:34:51 PM
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Ha ha now i know why you kept him quiet!! I once met up with a client whom id been dealing with for months who had a very sexy voice and we flirted all the time. I knew he was loaded and only a bit older than me so when the fuel crisis was on he got stuck near our office and asked if we could meet up for a meal. I agreed (purely for business matters of course) and thank god i did make out it was not for fun as he resembled Wheres Wally!!
Sharp exit there
I think Facebook is funny too there are loads of people on there that ive not seen for years and they seem to have reinvented theirselves as being really popular when really in school they were total wierdos!! Have met a few of them too |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 10:52:59 PM
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LOL!!
When I worked in industry there was one bloke who I spoke to on a weekly basis over the phone...sounded LUSH (I even got the other girls to confirm this!) So we plotted to get him in for a visit on the pretence we wanted to see his new products in the flesh so to speak ~nudge nudge wink wink~ WELL take about false advertising...well and an over active imagination on our part! He was more Mr Bean than Mr Hottie, bless him (lovely chap tho despite the disappointment at a perv free afternoon!) Never made that mistake twice
Heres something for you though Alice...take notes or print it out...might come in handy for future ref!
Internet dating...what he REALLY means!
ATTRACTIVE Plain. Everyone in online dating is ‘attractive.’ In the real world it means ‘pleasant to look at’ - in the internet-speak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth.
FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE Gutchurningly hideous. When he’s not even claiming to be attractive, it’s time to worry. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Calvin Klein model next to this guy. Meeting under the cover of darkness is advised.
TOLD ATTRACTIVE By my mother, the only woman I’ve every loved or am ever likely to.
RUGBY PLAYER’S BUILD One who retired 10 years ago. Stop thinking: Jonny Wilkinson. Start thinking: Jonny Vegas
DISCRETION EXPECTED I’m married and don’t want my wife to know.
DISCRETION OFFERED I don’t care if you’re married too.
HOPE YOU LIKE MY PICTURE Taken 10 years ago and bears no resemblance on now.
MODERN MAN We’ll be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week. So unless you’re a sure thing you pay for your own dinner.
NOT JUST LOOKING FOR SEX I am just looking for sex but hope you won’t see through my cunning reverse psychology.
WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can’t possibly let you see.
ADVENTUROUS Pervert. He can turn anything into a double entendre. On a date he’ll order graphically named cocktails and talk dirty with you over the garlic bread.
NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point.
GSOH (GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR) No sense of humour. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one.
EARNS A SIX-FIGURE SALARY Yes, he does. But he includes pence in that figure.
NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I’m too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you’re my first.
FUN AND ZANY Mental age of a 12-year-old. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.
LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can’t afford to be a chooser.
5ft 10 - 5ft 7. It’s safe to deduct three inches from any man claiming to be between 5ft 7 and 5ft 10.
SPORTY I watched the Olympics and play snooker for the local pub team.
UNIQUE Sex change. Best not to hang around long enough to find out whether it’s pre op or post op.
NOT INTO EMAIL TENNIS I need to secure a date as soon as possible, before you suss out what a tedious dullard I am.
OLD FASHIONED Male chauvinist pig. A woman’s place is in the home and, more precisely, the kitchen - preferably cooking his meals and elbow deep in his dirty shirts.
TRADITIONAL Patronising. He’ll order for you in a restaurant and pat you on the bottom and say ‘don’t you worry your pretty head about it’ when you ask him about his day.
MANLY Hairy. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture.
DISTINGUISHED Old. Speak slowly and clearly and always be within five minutes of a toilet. The good news is he travels for free and gets in half-price at the cinema.
INDEPENDENT Lying, cheating commitment-phobic scum.
UNCONVENTIONAL Insane. The sort of person you cross the road to avoid, even if the road is the M6 in the rushhour.
ASPIRATIONAL Broke. He has lofty ideas, but not a penny to his name. Expect early-bird specials on your date.
ROMANTIC Oily creep. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you ‘babe’ or ’sweetheart’ because he can’t remember your name
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Claire & Sunny x
http://sunnyandclaire.blogspot.com/ |
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mad alice
Gold Member
England
854 Posts |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 11:07:58 PM
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clair, that was hysterical! Did you meet my fella over the internet then?
Can't say too much am meeting him next week!!!! |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
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mad alice
Gold Member
England
854 Posts |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 11:54:57 PM
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Well he's about 5ft tall, the black hair is actually grey! he's boring to the point of trying not to yawn! He constantly talked to my chesticles, he couldn't reach my face without giving himself a crick in the neck! One of the most facinating things about him was this...he used to breed cacti, he had his own green house apparently and he was only 9!The thing that really facinated me about him though was the fact he ordered garlic steak and then picked his teeth with a tooth pick. He kept it in his pocket wrapped in a serviette
Still plenty more fish in the sea! ehup i'd better go! got another email! |
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mittens
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2109 Posts |
Posted - 27 Mar 2009 : 08:35:39 AM
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A toothpick on the first date!!?? That is GROSS!!My friend went on an internet date...got a report through the evening in which she text; "SEEMS NICE,OWN HAIR AND TEETH,LIKE A BIG BEAR". She's married now but not to him!New man looks like a tanned Dr.Evil!
As for facebook friends we've all improved..it was an all girls school and bitchiness was rife. I was teased for being yellow (pre-spleen op jaundice),then I was fat,spotty with frizzy hair! Now I'm still frizzy and a bit spotty at times but have discovered PRODUCTS!!! |
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nrisby@btinternet.com |
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angelarab
Platinum Member
Wales
2876 Posts |
Posted - 27 Mar 2009 : 10:30:20 AM
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| I bagged my now husband from the internet, but what a load of odd balls on the way LOL |
 "Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
www.northwalesarab.co.uk |
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Evie
Platinum Member
England
3513 Posts |
Posted - 27 Mar 2009 : 5:42:34 PM
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My experience of men from internet dating sites makes me wanna and  and wish they'd  off!! as I said on facebook recently - I've seen deeper spit pools... |
Bristol |
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Judith S
Platinum Member
Wales
15686 Posts |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
Posted - 28 Mar 2009 : 07:09:01 AM
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I'm a tad worried about the constant attention to you Chesticles Alice...he might be one of the REALLY odd ones...likes dressing up, wearing nappies & being bounced on yer knee (sounds like he could be small enough!) |
Claire & Sunny x
http://sunnyandclaire.blogspot.com/ |
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Gerri
Platinum Member
England
4211 Posts |
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