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webcaf
Bronze Member
 Wales
81 Posts |
 Posted - 27 May 2008 : 2:16:41 PM
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This might open up some old wounds for some people, which isn't my intention, i just need to talk to people, i hope you understand.
I've just lost the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, after a while trying, Paddy was only 8 weeks.
All i feel now the numbness has worn off, is anger, all the questions WHY???
I don't smoke
i don't drink
i don't do drugs
i eat healthy (although im overweight)
Is there any hope or light at the end of this dark time?
Sorry to rabble on, but it has helped abit to get it down in writing, need to go now, eyes are leaking again xxxx
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lady tee
Gold Member
United Kingdom
785 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 2:32:21 PM
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| So sorry to hear whot you have been through. Greive and do everything you can to help you get over whot has happend,but please do not blame yourself,im talking from experience as i have been through this a few times. I can't be of anymore help im afraid because i do not want to sound like im preaching. But please give yourself time to go through the healing process. Thinking of you . |
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Kelly
Platinum Member
England
1571 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 2:40:10 PM
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Dear Liz
I'm so sorry to read your news.
I have no advice to come from experience, but sometimes there is no 'why' that we can understand. I realise that probably doesn't make you feel any better, as normally, we all want to understand.
What I'm trying to say is that I am certain it wasn't your fault - it was nothing you've done or haven't done. From your post, it is very obvious that you gave Paddy the best chance that you possibly could.
I'm sure lots of people will come on to sympathise and know how you feel, it's just that, in the meantime, I wanted to add to Lady Tee and say that it is NOT your fault, and that you can get through this in time.
Grieve, understand that even at such an early stage, it is a HUGE loss. Talk to your friends, family and especially your OH. You will get through this.
Hugs xx |
Kelly
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baxter
Gold Member
England
1123 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 2:44:30 PM
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Hi,
I know from experience what you are going through and it feels like its the world against you, it feels like you're the only one in the world it's ever happened to, and it feels like you might not get through it...but you will, you're not alone and sometimes there are no answers.
Thinking of you at such a difficult time.
xxx |
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M Robson
Silver Member
Wales
398 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 3:18:25 PM
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| I am so sorry this has happened to you, you don't forget what has happened but time does heel. It took a while to restore faith in my body as i felt it had failed me. I don't think like that anymore and i am lucky to have two childen and one on the way, but it takes time as i said. Take care of yourself, all your feelings are natural and if you can't cope go and see your GP. I found that writing things down (then ripping them up) allowed me to get emotions of my chest. Take care of yourself, i am thinking of you xx |
www.marley-arabians.co.uk |
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Goldenmane
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4964 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 5:39:21 PM
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| My heart goes out to you. Life isnt fair! My daughter had the same experience about 15 months ago, after trying for years. Now she has a beautiful baby girl. Mourn for your baby, it will get better in time and then you can look to the future. XXX |
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Mrs DJ
Gold Member
632 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 6:56:46 PM
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So sorry. I feel for you.
I had a miscarriage at nine weeks. I'd already had one uncomplicated pregnancy resulting in my eldest son, and after the miscarriage, went on to have my second son with no problems whatsoever.
I gained comfort from telling myself that it was natures way, and there was probably something wrong with the baby which was why my body rejected it.
Please don't feel you are in any way to blame, and don't let it discourage you from trying again. My second son was conceived quite quickly after the miscarriage, and I had a totally trouble free pregnancy, and gave birth at home.
The pain and anger will fade over time.
Best wishes |
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Acorn Arabians
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2052 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 7:32:08 PM
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| Im so sorry to read this, Ive suffered several miscarriages, including twins and the twin of my daughter Lilybet. Its natures way - best not to question why too much its nothing you did - so dont beat yourself up about that. Talk about your feelings and grieve is the best thing I can advise. There is light at the end of this awful black tunnel for you - honest. Time will heal you but dont rush it or dont brush it under the carpet and dont allow others to either. BIG HUG |
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templars
Platinum Member
England
1852 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 10:26:27 PM
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So sorry to hear about this Liz. I've suffered many miscarriages and like the others felt like my body had let me down and I didn't know why because like you I don't smoke, don't drink excessively, don't do drugs but also like you, could do with shedding a pound or two. I tried to modify my diet and lose weight and went on real health kicks but sadly it didn't make any difference and I lost all my babies at 10 weeks. The way I got through was to give them a colour and imagine them in a bubble of that colour. Now, when I see a beautiful sunset with pinks and golds, or a new bud with bright green, or whatever colour means something to me, I take time out to say a little message to the baby in the bubble. It used to make me cry but now it makes me smile.
I only have Evie and can only ever have Evie. The amazing thing is that when I was pregnant with her, I was 14 weeks pregnant before I found out so I'd gone past the danger point. I hadn't had the usual signs of pregnancy and went to the doctor because I was so tired and that's when they did a test and I found out the cause of the exhaustion.
Time doesn't ever heal it properly but it does take the sharp edges off. Your baby will always be your baby and you should treasure that and not ignore the fact that for however short a time, your baby lived.
And remember that the baby's dad is probably going through exactly the same emotion that you are. It's easy to think that men don't care so much but they do. Remember to hug one another and share your thoughts.
Lots of love xx |
   www.eviepeel.com    |
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bridie
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2395 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2008 : 11:25:30 PM
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Liz...Im so sorry for you. I had a miscarriage on my 21st birthday, my husband was away on exercise (Royal Marine) and my parents were on holiday.....I was so scared and upset, I was 16 weeks pregnant.
It took me a long time to recover and realise it was nothing I had done......
WHY.....well I never found out why, I dont think anyone knows the answer to that.
The numbness will fade, I promise, but you will not forget.
Be kind to yourself and take care.
Your not alone here.......
Mandy xx
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webcaf
Bronze Member
Wales
81 Posts |
Posted - 28 May 2008 : 5:37:58 PM
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Thank you all for your lovely replies - it must of been hard for you.
Today i feel that there is hope xxxx
Templars, i love the colour bubbles.
The morning after my miscarriage, i went to step outside, and there on the mat was a beautiful coloured butterfly, that flew up towards me & then flew away, it was beautiful.
Aswell as your wonderful support, i have been in contact with another forum, with people who have also had pregancy problems, and it is helping with my grieveing process, and making me thankful for what i have.
Many thanks again xxx
Liz xx |
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pat ww
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3459 Posts |
Posted - 28 May 2008 : 8:14:02 PM
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I had to sit by while my daughter went through the whole range of emotion and guilt that it must have been her fault, she got to 25 weeks but my tiny grand-daughter weighed only one pound ten ounces and was a ceasarian as she was transverse. She lived only for five days.
She was young fit and healthy, never smoked, took drugs and would only have an occasional glass of wine.
In the end, we did find out WHY, and with her following babies spent up to 14 weeks in hospital on total rest just to get to 32 weeks, the longest she has carried a baby.
The overwhelming majority of CONCEPTIONS do not result in a baby, but most are lost within the first few weeks, many do not even suspect they could have been pregnant.
Again, for the majority, no cause is found.
Unfortunately you have to have recurrent miscarriages / premature babies before most obs and gynea will investigate, but there is a volunteer organisation, name eludes me as I block out bad memories, but is comprised of mums who have actually suffered the loss themselves who will visit if requested just to let you talk and will share their experiences with you.
There are the usual advice guidelines, like taking folic acid for at least 3 months before intending to become pregnant as it helps implantation, and rarely some women's uterus are highly sensitive to a man's ejacultate so that side is advised against, but you probably know more than I on the to do / not to do list!
I wish you every hope for the future, the past will make it even more special.
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basbob
Gold Member
France
1356 Posts |
Posted - 28 May 2008 : 10:02:31 PM
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Hi. I so know how you feel. I lost mine at 10 weeks. We went for our first scan and there was nothing there - the baby had aborted at 10 weeks it was awful! We now have 2 perfect boys and I believe that it's perhaps nature's way...... I read statistics that 1 in 3 preganacies results in miscarriage.
All will be fine. I didn't stop crying for a long time but now, looking back, it's just the way things are. You will be OK. |
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Debbie
Gold Member
United Kingdom
1138 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jun 2008 : 8:48:57 PM
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| I hope you are feeling better about things now and your greiving for your lost little one has helped. I had 3 perfectly healthy babies and then a m/c which totally devastated me and just couldn't believe why it had happened. However, went on to have another healthy son after that and then another m/c and then another healthy baby girl (at almost 42 years old) and finally my last m/c. I have reconciled myself to the knowledge that it is usually natures way of dealing with things and nothing most of us could do to change the situation. ivillage.com is a great website to help with pregnancy issues. |
Debbie
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Michelle
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3197 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 6:25:48 PM
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Hi Liz, sorry you have been through this experience recently.
I had two miscarriages last year. The first was discovered at 10 weeks when I went for a scan and was told the baby died sometime that week (my body miscarried naturally 2 weeks later) the second time was in July where I miscarried about 10 days after my positive pregnancy test.
I looked into it a lot and can assure you it's down to nothing you did. The number of women who experience miscarriage is very high and the main reasons for early miscarriage are to do with an unhealthy embryo or failure of the placenta. The placenta starts to take over from the yolk sac from 8 to 10 weeks of pregnancy and if it fails then the embryo will die. I think this is a main cause of miscarriage and explains why so many women miscarry between 8-10 weeks. I am pretty sure this is what caused my 1st miscarriage and I read the book 'Miscarriage - What Every Woman Needs To Know' - it helped me to work out the reasons in my head.
The main thing I suggest to you is that you just try again asap (there is no need to wait 3 months like some say, just wait one cycle) and keep positive. Joining a forum such as Babycentre.com's 'trying after a miscarriage' board keeps up PMA and gives advice.
After my 2nd miscarriage I could have started to really think something was wrong with me but I chose to just keep positive and try again and 3 weeks ago I gave birth to my daughter.... the more you talk about it the more you will find that there are more women than you imagined who have kids and have also experienced miscarriage, it really is very common.
Good luck for the future hun x |
IIsis Arabians
www.iisisarabians.com www.ali-abbas.co.uk
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pleasures
Gold Member
United Kingdom
781 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 8:03:58 PM
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I cant believe what brave and wonderful women we have out there I read this with tears in my heart for you all. I have never had to experience anything such as this but two of my daughters have and I can only echo what other have said, dont beat yourself up over something that is out of your hands. Both of them have gone on to have perfectly health babies with uncomplicated pregnancies, making me a very proud and happy Grandmother.
Sue |
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Jingo
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3632 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 8:59:03 PM
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Liz as you can see you are not on your own. I also had a miscarriage before I became pregnant with my daughter Kate. Trouble was Chris and I had been trying for about 13 years, with no success and when I became pregnant we were so thrilled. Again sadly we lost at around 12/13 weeks - in those days it was classed as a "blighted pregnancy" my doc at the time said perhaps the cells didn't form properly into a baby and it was natures way of saying "not this time".
We were so sad that perhaps this was our last chance - but heyho I caught on straight away with Kate - who has proved to be such a special asset to our life.
So don't give up hope - as everyone else has said - think positive and what will be will be.
Our thoughts are with you - take care. |
Jude
www.auchmillanarabians.org.uk
      
photos:Anthony Reynolds,Sweet,Deano,Real Time Imaging |
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Wyllow
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2885 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 2:52:09 PM
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Hello Liz ~ we haven't met....but we have this experience in common along with so many others too.
I've been through this and lost a pregnancy at around 12 weeks, so I can appreciate the feelings you must have at this time.
Is this a first pregnancy , I wonder ?
My Gp told me that it's been estimated by some researchers that up to a quarter of first pregnancies do not make it.....but some are lost so early that they go unnoticed....although I would have found it IMPOSSIBLE NOT to notice I was pregnant from the word "go".
He told me that often there is no apparent reason hat cn be detected but the body can often not be fully producing all the hormones required in the right amounts ~ pregnancy is such a finely tuned state ~ think of the tiny size of the pill women take to prevent it. It only needs a minor imbalance to throw it off track......and this seems more likely the first time around. This is what my GP told me anyway. He then told me the likelihood was that I'd be fine the next time and seeing as I'd got pregnant once, then it was highly likely I'd do it again.....and not to worry.
Within a month I had conceived a second time, went to full term and my daughter is now seventeen! Her sister, who is fifteen months younger was a bit of a surprise !
So ~ it's likely you'll conceive again and be perfectly ok as long as no particular reason was found for the first miscarriage. Unexplained miscarriages are far more common than you think and NOT necessarily a sign that your body will fail you next time.
In the meantime though ~ you need to acknowledge the little one you have carried and lost and know another soul is always going to be your child. I found naming and remembering was the right thing to do for me and although I do not know the baby's gender, I gave him or her a nick name which only I know and which I still recall more often than anyone is aware of. It just wasn't our time that time, but the link is there.
The strongest possibility is that all will be well for you. Allow your grief and sense of loss it's day but remember that the future is there too and may well hold the promise of a happier outcome.
Sending you a big (((HUG))) and all my positive thoughts.
~Cate |
Fine Art & Photography
www.catehamilton.com
 
Cate Hamilton
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