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Mad arab rider
Silver Member
England
483 Posts |
 Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:28:19 PM
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My OH has had a bad back for the last week and so hasn't ridden our old mare Brambles. Today he said he'd come out with me for a quiet hack, as long as it was just the 2 of us. I was happy to oblige. Just as we were getting ready to go the girl who rides the horses next door texted to ask if we were riding, and could she come out with us on April. I replied that we were, but wanted to go on our own, and I said sorry. A min or two later my phone rang and it was the lady who owned the house next door (also the owner of my loan arab Mia) and she had a right go at me. I tried to explain that April wound Brambles up but she just thought I was being unreasonable, and said that if Harriet couldn't come out with us then she wasn't able to go out, as her parents won't let her out on her own (she is 16). This is true, but I also know that she had already been out this morning with someone else. Am I being mean, to say that I wanted a quiet ride, I don't want my OH having his arms pulled out, or his back made any worse. As it is he's seeing the chiropractor on Monday. Also I'm hoping to do the Tilford ride next week and I need him to crew for me, he can't do that if he's laid up. What do you think?
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Tahir
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4572 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:33:33 PM
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I think you were being totally reasonable, and above all, safe. If they think any different then they are the unreasonable ones. Stick to your guns, your are definitely in the right.
Carla, xx. |
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Mad arab rider
Silver Member
England
483 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:48:11 PM
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| Thanks for that. I don't know why it is but Brambles if fine all the time she is with horses from our yard, but when she goes out with the horses from next door she's mad (and she's welsh not arab). Last week she took off with my OH, which is most likely how he did his back in to start with. Shes ridden in a pelham, with double reins, but still very strong. |
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Timberwolf
Gold Member
England
726 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:49:24 PM
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Here Here,
I agree with Tahir. Apart from that your'e not there to babysit her daughter!!
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Mad arab rider
Silver Member
England
483 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:53:57 PM
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Not her daughter, but a girl who rides for her, but amounts to the same thing, I'm still not a baby sitter. Even though she's 16 you still have to think for her. She's a pretty little rider, but not very effective. Doesn't have much sense when it comes to road craft either.
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annas
Gold Member
United Kingdom
1129 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 10:22:59 AM
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I agree with the others.
Did you enter in to a contract to supervise said Harriet? Did you, or did you not at anytime faithfully promise to surrender yours' and your husbands free time to pacify your neighbours help? Did you also agree to risk your husbands health and nerve, on request, by riding out with a less than ideal addition.
NO!!!!!
If aformentioned 'Harriet' is not allowed by her parents to hack out on her own, then the responsibilty lies with them or your neighbour to arrange it for the little darling. It's their incompetencies as parents/supervisors to have not pre - arranged this with someone else and NOT yours.
Things like this really annoy me, it's actually bullying (I've had my fair share), and if you're like me, which seems so, it makes you feel awful. You have to pity them really as it will never make them happy, and they are almost always bitter and resentful.
If, as you have Mia on loan you feel obliged to agree to all of this womans requests, don't. If she is obviously using Mia as a pawn, say so.
Oooooh, who rattled my chain!!!!!!!! LOL.
So stop worrying about it, enjoy your hacks, it's their problem and NOT yours. Absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. |
Edited by - annas on 25 Feb 2007 10:28:12 AM |
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Roseanne
Moderator
United Kingdom
6708 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 10:38:15 AM
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I'd try to appeal to the next door neighbour's sense of reason (!) that if because of Brambles' reaction to Harriet's horse it becomes difficult for your partner, it means he wouldn't be able to ride at all, because of the back problem, and the idea is to get an occasional ride in together whenever you can.
I expect Bramble senses the horse Harriet rides is a bit of a 'flighty' animal in her care and it puts the wind up him a bit. Horses do catch the mood of the herd, that's why hunting's so good for eventers that aren't too courageous over scary fences. When the herd's going full pelt, they all go no matter what's in the way!
Tell the neighbour you have very limited opportunity to go out with your partner and you don't want to miss it, or for him to have to suffer even more pain. Then offer perhaps to go out with Harriet the next time your partner isn't available? But equally she and Harriet need to understand you might want or need to ride out alone sometimes because it's good for your horse to do that.
It has to be a reasoned argument so she realises she is being unreasonable if she doesn't accept it!  |
Roseanne |
Edited by - Roseanne on 25 Feb 2007 10:41:13 AM |
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Grey Girl
Platinum Member
England
1554 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 10:41:32 AM
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Quite apart from any other aspect - and for heaven's sake, aren't you entitled to a hack on your own/with one other occasionally?! - what's the legal position of you 'babysitting' a 16 year old? Do you become legally responsible for her and/or her actions?
I expect that what happened was that the lady said to the girl, Oh, are you riding with them then? and the girl replied (in typical disappointed sulky teenage fashion), No, they didn't want me there. And gave the impression (probably quite unintentionally) that you had brushed her off and were being Mean and Horrible.
I think you were quite within your rights to say No. What's next? You're going out for the day, she finds out and wants to come too - so you have to take her?! (Ok, silly example, but still).
Grey Girl |
 Said the little eohippus, "I´m going to be a HORSE"  |
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Cassie
Gold Member
England
781 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 11:22:28 AM
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Hi
Surely at 16 she can hack out on her own a 16 year can do everything else on their own and as you say she had already been out with a friend. No you did right you explained prolitely that it was convienent at that time stick to your guns.
Christine |
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joanna_piana
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3935 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 5:25:09 PM
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| Of course you should be able to go out together when you choose and I agree 16 is rather old to need a chaperone!! The girls who ride my ponies are 11 and for the last two years I have taken them out with me everywhere but they are now responsible enough to start riding out together with their mum's meeting them at any road crossing points and i'm sure by the time they are 16 they'll be happily hacking out on their own! |
      
Harthall Rashida RIP, Binley Ishara, Bouchan
Chorleywood, Hertfordshire |
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Honeyb060674
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4301 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 5:50:58 PM
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Some people are just down right ROOD! Of course you are entitled to a nice quiet hack on your own. Theres nothing worse than having someone there razzing their horse up and upsetting yours, god knows I've had similar experiences with fellow hackers. It usually resulted in Honey being more stressed and wound up and having a thoroughly horrid ride.
If shes 16 and not capable of riding out sensibly on her own then maybe she shouldn't be riding out at all. Its a dangerous world out there |
      
Claire & Sunny x
http://sunnyandclaire.blogspot.com/ |
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arabic
Platinum Member
England
4562 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 9:46:04 PM
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| No way were you being unreasonable!!! If you and OH were going out together you aren't liable to have anyone tag along and definately have the right to say "sorry not today". Surely that's the whole reason for asking - to give you the choice - and you made it! They just didnt like the answer. Considering she had already ridden, I think they were the ones being unreasonable! |
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Mad arab rider
Silver Member
England
483 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 11:12:21 PM
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The reason shes not allowed to ride out on her own is that her parents won't let her. The horses owner (my loan mares owner as well) would be happy for her to go out on her own. Indeed she has let a much younger girl take one of the others out alone. The fact that the parents won't let Harriet out on her own, and only in company is in itself a worry. Would they try to sue me if she had an accident. She has already had 2 falls while out with me, neither of which we told her parents about. The first was when she rode my landladys big Anglo and he bolted with her, my mare also took off, but I was able to gain control (people and loose dogs, nightmare). The second time on a horse that she normally rides, it got a branch wrapped around its legs (she didn't bother to try to avoid it), and it shot sidewards with her landing in a heap on the road.
I did ring her last night and left a voice message to say that my friend and I were riding today (without OH) and if she made the effort to come over she could ride with us. She didn't bother to reply. |
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SEZ
Gold Member
England
1101 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2007 : 10:17:09 AM
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I hacked out with a teenager last year who had invited herself along. She could not control the horse and actually wound her hands around the reins twice at one point . She would not listen to our pleas to relax her hands and forced all of us to walk for the entire time. We'd been eaten to death by flys half way round (it was summer). I refuse to ride with her again and I am well within my rights to . I will not watch a horse being pulled at for an hour |
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Roseanne
Moderator
United Kingdom
6708 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2007 : 11:21:15 AM
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If she's not a sufficiently wise, experienced or capable I'd certainly explain to the horse's owner what has been going on and why you're reluctant to take responsibility for her. For a start she may lose control and cause an accident with the owner's horse; would the owner's insurance cover that? It sounds like the owner realises she needs supervision but won't give it herself. It's not fair or right to ask you or others to do that and she must accept that the risk she is taking is hers alone. I'm sure her parents would put a stop to it if they realised the danger she's already been under. She'd be better having lessons on the horse.
I can see it's difficult for you because you don't want to spoil your loan agreement or the goodwill with the owner. But if you put it that it could cause awful liability problems for her (the owner) - and doubly for you if you're put in charge of her - she might see sense! |
Roseanne |
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Vera
Membership Moderator
United Kingdom
8652 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2007 : 8:42:58 PM
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Maybe what she said to Gill wasn't exactly what you said to her? She may have made it sound like you were being horrible with no mention that you had a perfectly valid reason for not wanting her to go with you that day.
Sounds like she's a bit of a liability!
Vera and Dennis |
    
Hampshire |
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