| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| doug ault |
Posted - 22 Dec 2011 : 10:00:00 AM
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I said to the taxi driver, "King Authur's Close".
He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up a local building firm, I said "I want a skip outside my house."
He said "I'm not stopping you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the doctor and I said "it hurts when I do that", he said "well, don't do it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D'you know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine."
So that was nice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I got home from work and the wife said "I'm very sorry dear, but the cat's eaten your dinner."
I said "Don't worry, I'll get you a new cat."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre.
She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, "I want five pounds of potatoes please."
And the greengrocer says, "We only sell kilos."
So the man says, "Alright then, I'll have five pounds of kilos." |
| 1 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| angelarab |
Posted - 22 Dec 2011 : 12:06:02 PM
 |
|
|
