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alpacastoo
Silver Member
 Wales
292 Posts |
 Posted - 13 Jul 2017 : 4:53:54 PM
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Hi to all who remember me. Not been on here for a long time and life just hasn't improved. Anyway, wanted to say hello to you all and hope life is treating you all well.
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jillandlomond
Platinum Member
Scotland
3586 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jul 2017 : 8:13:36 PM
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Waves to Alpacastoo! Good to see you back on here  |
    
Borders, Scotland |
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Rui
AL Admin
6761 Posts |
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sab2
Platinum Member
8467 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jul 2017 : 10:02:31 PM
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Welcome back, sorry to hear life has not improved, hope your ok  |
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alpacastoo
Silver Member
Wales
292 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 12:40:51 AM
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Hi Sab, thanks for asking.
I developed breast cancer last year. Had surgery in May which was OK. Chemo started in August, which was terrible, then straight on to radiotherapy - quite a few sessions which finally finished on 11th January this year. The day after that my husband, who had been admitted to hospital on Christmas Eve, crashed and I was told he would not survive the weekend. I was allowed to stay in the hospital room with him and the hospital organised our wedding, which took place on Friday 13th January - it was an extremely emotional happy/sad occasion and there wasn't a dry eye in the ward. The organisers put so much effort into it and I can't thank them enough. Nick improved over the weekend, much to everyone's surprise, and they resumed treatment on the Monday. He was teetering on the brink, sometimes improving and sometimes getting worse. He was getting confused, especially at night, and he thought we were in an expensive hotel and told me off for spending money we didn't have. One night he woke me at 3.15am and told me to get my kit on - I asked why and he said he was taking me out to dinner, bless him. Unfortunately he got a lot worse on the Fri/Sat and passed away on Sunday 22nd January with his family by his side. I cannot tell you how traumatised I was and how exhausted. My sister was also in the hospital with Leukemia so I was visiting her every day after my radiotherapy. She was told in May that she was in remission and there was no sign of the disease. We had a nice couple of weeks together but she got worse. The Leukemia was still there. They readmitted her and began a really strong dose of chemo with the intention of transferring her to Birmingham for a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately the chemo was too strong for her, she weighed less than 8 stone - she contracted C-Diff which wouldn't respond to antibiotics. Her heart and lungs started to fail and finally her bowel perforated. She died on 8th June!!! She was my rock after Nick died. She had plans to take me away for weekends, we were going to go shopping in Austria and visit Christmas Markets in Vienna. It was not meant to be. I also lost my 17 year old Sheltie in February and my20 year old cat in March. I have hopefully found a buyer for my house but I have no idea where I am going to live. Horses are up for sale, so are the alpacas. All other livestock have gone now. I feel rather lost and in a fog. Sorry, didn't mean to depress you all. I am really trying to be positive, but it's not easy. |
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Goldenmane
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4964 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 11:18:02 AM
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| Oh my goodness. I can only suggest you surround yourself with friends and family, accept all the help offered and given to you. The very fact that you can share this is a form of therapy in itself. Are you able to keep any animals at all, I've found my dogs have been my mainstay through a recent tough time, although I read you also lost your Sheltie. I also was forced by my family, in the nicest possible way, to see a doctor. Sending you my love and thoughts XXX |
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sab2
Platinum Member
8467 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 11:46:44 AM
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| Oh my that's more than anybody should have to deal with in such a short space of time. How is your cancer, are you clear now or do you still need more treatment. Cancer is such a horrible disease and effect so many of us, is there anything we can do to help you, all you need to do is ask, if you ever need to talk I can message you my numbers if you would like or an email. We still have not got our Alpacas yet, one day I have promised my OH he can have a pair, let's hope it's not before we get too old. Maybe you could let us know about your horses and then if anybody knows anybody looking for on they could get in touch. I am full as far as horses are concerned as bought back another homebred Anglo Arab last year so until I find a suitable home for him I am full. Please try and stY strong and as others have said take all the help offered to you, I shall keep.myY fingers crossed for your house sale , that in itself can be very stressful as I know. |
Edited by - sab2 on 14 Jul 2017 11:59:10 AM |
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Ziadomira
Platinum Member
England
1635 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 6:35:50 PM
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| Remember that you have a family here on Arabianlines. We all care for you and will think of you. Any time you feel you need to talk just post a message and we will reply. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. |
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jillandlomond
Platinum Member
Scotland
3586 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 8:08:18 PM
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Crikey, life has thrown you way too much to cope with in such a short space of time Alpacastoo. Really hope you have a good network of close friends helping you through the grieving process.
Thinking of you and sending you a cyber hug  |
Borders, Scotland |
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glo
Gold Member
England
1297 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jul 2017 : 10:06:11 PM
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My friend has had a year a bit like yours, so far there have been 4 funerals, 1 lost body found after 3 weeks!!, I have lost my new horse dew to a brain tumor, then ended up in hospital near death, but I did see into the other side!! and had a choice to come back,stating in no uncertain terms "that I wasn't going in to the light!" all my friends have been in hospital with falls or horse related accidents.
Things can only get better, with a new house. Good luck with the search, you will meet new friends, and in time will look back and wonder how you ever got through it. |
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Orchid
Bronze Member
N. Ireland
54 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jul 2017 : 03:19:28 AM
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Hi Alpacastoo, You have not had an easy time, I also do understand a lot of what you are going through having had few years of what was/seemed like/still is a living hell. I had to fight hard to survive and I beat all odds which started at the start of the week at a 10% chance of survival and dropped to 0%, I wasn't ready to go and made it through by a miracle and a prayer I got there, which was mainly a lone ranger event. You will be ok although its hard to see things clear, but things will get better. Just take each day as it comes and find a good point in each day, something that made you smile, even write it down for reference its amazing how much it can bring comfort and help as you can look back over the book and remember the happy moments. Life is never easy or simple unfortunately. Totally agree with all above and taking any help/support that is offered as it does help, no one should have to feel like they are struggling alone,
Glo, I also understand what its like to lose a four legged family member to a brain tumour, hope you are also ok, its a traumatising experience and very heart breaking. Not often I hear of anyone else who had a horse that developed it. |
May the stars carry yours sadness away. May the flowers fill your heart with beauty. May hope forever wipe away your tears. And above all, may silence make you strong |
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cmj
Silver Member
France
383 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jul 2017 : 10:37:42 PM
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| Hi Alpacastoo,what you have been through is hideous and I am so sorry to hear it. I can quite understand how you feel in a fog. Hope you still have a dog to hug. Sometimes they are all that make life worth living. There are no words really, just hope you can get by one day at a time. |
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alpacastoo
Silver Member
Wales
292 Posts |
Posted - 17 Jul 2017 : 8:28:58 PM
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Thank you to you all for your kind comments. I do have a young dog to hug (couldn't have made it through this year without her) and I still have an old dog who is on his last legs unfortunately. I have put my arab mare on here for sale but she is only about 14.1 so I hope she may still be of interest to someone. Not bred from her, my circumstances I am afraid. Also have 5 mini mares and a mini stallion and all my alpacas to find homes for. I just hate advertising, it is so hard to sort the wheat from the chaff and get good homes and a reasonable price. I think I have a buyer for my smallholding just have to find somewhere to live. Some days I am nearly normal, some days I have no reason to carry on. Grief is a terrible thing. My stepson lives reasonably close and has been very supportive, so has my stepdaughter but she lives quite a long way away and has a baby to look after. I think finding the right homes for the animals comes first for me, then I will have to concentrate on deciding what personal items I can keep and what I will have to sell. Downsizing is a bummer.
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sab2
Platinum Member
8467 Posts |
Posted - 22 Jul 2017 : 9:23:14 PM
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| Alpacastoo I love your mare she is stunning, and a lovely height too, as the saying goes...good things come in small packages #128512; somebody will be very lucky to get her. How much land do alpacas need to be happy ? |
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angelarab
Platinum Member
Wales
2876 Posts |
Posted - 17 Aug 2017 : 3:55:00 PM
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Alpacastoo, HEY :-) HUGS, I have been away for about 4 years.
I'm so sorry you have been through a traumatic time sounds like life has really been cruel to you with more heart ache to come in selling up and starting afresh.
The last three years life has truly twisted it's knife in my heart and I have to endure some life changing experiences I tried to end my life on three occasions I was so depressed even my beloved animals couldn't help. But here I am down sized to a little cottage picked for my cats first! And feeling strong enough to take on a more challenging job and am back riding my horse again...what I am trying to say is things really do in time get easier tiny steps but you will get there xx |
 "Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
www.northwalesarab.co.uk |
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Hello Everyone
