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justine
Gold Member
 England
641 Posts |
 Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 1:28:16 PM
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My nan has become very unwell over the last months. She always came to my house on a sunday to help with kennels/stables and we had sunday lunches.
Over the last weeks she complained of stomach pain, piles, lack of appetite. So when she came on a sunday she just chilled.
Last week I insisted she go to the DR (also my DR).
She said, Ive got some pile cream and the stomach pain will subside.
As she is going deaf (when she wants) she doesnt answer the phone. 3x Ive jumped in the car and banged on the door to check shes ok. Found her still in PJ`s at midday, totally not her!
I text my GP, he told me we are waiting for specialist apt, then results. He told me to humour her and keep her going.
Made her show me the referal letter as I know she would never find the right place in hospital to attend, I will take her. She had kept this aptt from me.
2 days ago she looked so ill I asked her to go to hospital, she cant eat and barely drinks. She said, no they might keep me in and put needles in me. Poor nan is so scared.
Eventually took her to A&E, pointless exercise, they said drink water!
My sister has kids, nan adores them, so we persuaded nan to stay at their house for a few nights. Its brightened her up a bit.
Heres the worst part - Im pretty sure I know whats wrong, my GP, without breaking confidentiality, simply said `no one can say without tests but your a wise lady`.
My nan is very scared of `the end`, the `c` word would finish her. Her tests are on 2nd dec. Yesterday she had painful swollen legs and no urine. I told her its because she is resting and not active and she must drink lots of water or anything she wants.
Its a long time (days) til appt. then another week for results.
How can I keep her spirits up?
she said today, I just want to feel better, I said you will when they give you meds after the tests. She said they not using cameras on me or keeping me in hospital.
My heart is breaking for her. I want to protect her from pain/dr`s... shes only a 6 stone little frightened lady.
She`s 83, she brought me up from being 4yrs old. Grandad died at 58 from heart attack. Nan couldnt even write, I taught her how to go on in life. She soon got a grip and lived a lovely life alone. I have been her rock and have had to be firm with her and keep her little butt moving. If I change now she will know whats happening.
Any advise on how to deal with this would be much appreciated.
Im a wreck and I feel like the world is a different place but I have to get my face out of the sand and do my best for nan. Her daughter (my mother) is a vindictive, nasty, hurtful woman and an alcoholic. Yes, thats harsh but its the truth. She will be of no use whatsoever. My sister (27) is holding the fort quite well at the moment but its early days.
I know about all the help we could receive but if nan see`s a special nurse she will know and give up.
How can we hide this from her? :-(
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jbassindale |
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garnet
Platinum Member
2382 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 1:58:46 PM
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| So sorry to hear you are going through such a distressing time and know only too well how you must be feeling. I know several people who have been greatly helped by Macmillan nurses - could you have their help without mention of the 'c'word? Swollen legs and no urine suggests she may need more than your GP is suggesting to get through the next week - eg a diuretic? I agree A&E is probably not the best option for a poorly and frightened old lady. Sorry I can't be much help with suggestions but you both have my heartfelt sympathy. |
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Elainem
Silver Member
United Kingdom
439 Posts |
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LYNDILOU
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
13976 Posts |
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templars
Platinum Member
England
1852 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 2:41:37 PM
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Justine - all our love and prayers to you and your sister and nan
It's a horrible situation you're all in and I honestly don't know what to say to help. The only words of encouragement I can give are that you obviously take after your nan. She showed strength, love and commitment to you and your sister when you needed her, and now that she needs you somehow you'll find the strength to help her. I don't know how you'll hide it or how you should handle it but one thing is for certain, with grandchildren like you, and great grandchildren that she loves, you have given your nan lots to live for and look forward to. Focus on that, talk about spending Christmas together and plans for Spring.
You'll need help and support too and I agree - the Macmillan nurses are superb and they will have tons of advise and support for your and your sister.
I really hope things go positively xx |
   www.eviepeel.com    |
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LYNDILOU
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
13976 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 3:30:19 PM
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I just re read my post as this troubled me , I am sorry it sounds unfeeling and crass! your nan sounds very like my mum when she was very ill, she may look ill because she is feeling so frightened at the moment. taking her private is a very good tonic for making them feel lots of hope( very important just now), tell her about my friends mum who had breast cancer 20 odd years ago aged 70 and now in her 90's looks a picture , travels to SA alone. the C is not always the end. hugs for you and her. |
   
www.dreamfield-arabians.com |
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Ennik
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1923 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 3:38:43 PM
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| To date, 54 of us have read your post and whereas there is nothing we can do or say which will help, you must know that we are all thinking of you and your nan ...... |
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Callisto
Platinum Member
6905 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 4:31:50 PM
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Please try to make her drink plenty of fluids - be very tough with her - dehydration affects your mind as well as your body, and it won't help her kidneys if she persists, it will also make her feel worse than she already does. Consider telling her the truth (when you find out what it is) - nothing worse than fear itself for being debilitating. Sending all good wishes to you, your Nan and your sister in this very difficult time.
ETA When my Mother in law refused to eat and drink whilst very ill I had to get the doctor to give her a lecture (she was down to 6 stone), and we got her to take protein drinks rather than solid food. These were prescribed by the doctor but I am sure a pharmacist would be able to advise and supply you with the right thing.
I would also persuade her to see her GP/get him to visit rather than waiting for the appointment with the specialist - sounds like she needs checking over now - the swollen legs/lack of urine is not normal.
ETA Thinking about it that should be meal replacement drinks for invalids rather than protein drinks. |
  Zahkira (GR Amaretto x Taffetta)
Linda
East Sussex |
Edited by - Callisto on 26 Nov 2011 4:59:23 PM |
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gabriele ault
Gold Member
Wales
782 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 5:27:30 PM
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| Poor you. I know only too well how you must be feeling. Keep positive and strong - easier sai but done I know but you will dind the strength to do it. After her big op my mum did not want to eat or drink, had no appetite etc. and we all got very frightened. She made it through this time with the help of protein drinks. I assume it is the same here as it is in Germany, they come in 3 different flavours (peach, vanilla and forgot the third one). My mother was recommended to have 4 a day minimum and as much food as she was able to eat. She only had 2 but it really helped. Drinking is VERY important, so just tempt her with different things. We are thinking of you and your nan and pray for a positive outcome. |
 Gabriele
www.silversun-enterprises.webs.com |
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LYNDILOU
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
13976 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 5:48:04 PM
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This is something that troubles me , why the doctors are so laid back when it comes to reassurence! waiting for appointments and results can be so stressful for the person.
they have lots of time to worry and think the worst!. you can bet she has laid awake worrying, she really needs to see someone NOW ! she sounds so independant and that can sometimes be a negative thing at a time like this.
she needs her family good and bad to rally around now. and yes plenty of fluids if she is not eating.bless her .
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www.dreamfield-arabians.com |
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Gerri
Platinum Member
England
4211 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 6:14:02 PM
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Oh Poor Darling how awful for her, I know how she feels I am absolutely terrified of the "c" word too and get myself in a right state over it You are such a wonderful Grandaughter and you obviously love her so very much she muct be sooo proud of you and so very lucky to have sooo much love, my heart goes out to her and you sending you lots of warm hugs and prayers |
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zebedeedeb
Gold Member
England
516 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 6:21:26 PM
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| big hugs to you all and loving thoughts coming your way ..xxxx deb |
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Pasch
Platinum Member
2277 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 6:35:00 PM
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| Not much to add to what others suggested and to what you are already doing,I am sure you will find the best way to help here,be brave,lots of |
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george
Gold Member
Wales
1353 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 8:31:45 PM
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| So sorry that you are all going through this, the waiting for tests and results are the worst, hopefully it won't be your worst nightmare but if it is please know that there are people you can talk to, on here and with the Macmillan. There is nothing anyone can do to alleviate your fears when you are in this "limbo" not knowing what you are dealing with is extremely hard and when you do know you can focus on the goal of helping your Nan through it. Fortified milk is a good way to get hidden calories into your Nan, adding dried milk powder to any milk for cereal, milky drinks ect, it really helped Martin especially as he couldn't stand drinking the protein drinks any more. The advances they have made today are amazing and everybody involved with his treatment where lovely, before he got ill he was terrified of going into hospital thinking that he wouldn't come home again, I explained this to one of the nurses and they were very comforting to him. Have a talk with your Nan and tell her your worries, you will both end up crying and that can be a relief, she will focus on getting well for you and you will give her strength, please keep writing on here as it helps you express the worries that bottled up will do you no good. xxx |
George xxx
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sab2
Platinum Member
8467 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 8:34:54 PM
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My mum has been very poorly and lost a lot of weight and somebody recommended Yeo Valley yoghurt, it has a probiotic in it which has helped her a little, they do a few different flavours, not much else i can add apart from i hope she picks up , and don,t forget to look after yourself sometimes when we are worrying about others we forget ourselves. Sending you and your nan some huge big  |
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justine
Gold Member
England
641 Posts |
Posted - 26 Nov 2011 : 11:39:20 PM
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Thank you sooooo much all for your replies. It really does help.
Ive been with nan all afternoon, she fell asleep and suddenly said `Justine have you got my warburtons current teacakes` bless her!
She ate some soup and some chicken later, then she went to bed with my 3yr old niece stroking her face :-)
Kids are funny, no way would my niece do this!!!
Private treatment, yes would pay all but because she didnt tell me the 2nd dec is working quicker than private!
I know and my sister does, the change in her voice and eyes. Our partners and kids dont realise.
Bless my little nan xxx |
jbassindale |
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doug ault
Platinum Member
Wales
1688 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2011 : 06:55:40 AM
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You have to take control of this situation now, drag her back to the doctors and make sure you go in with her , explain to the doc that she is deaf and cant read so you have to be told everything, go to all her appointments and treatment with her so that nothing gets hidden from you.
Include lots of celery and parsley in her food ,they are natural diuretics and they will keep her kidneys working .
Do it now or she will just fade away and you will be left wishing you had taken control.
I'm sorry if this seems a bit harsh but this is what I would do in the circumstances. It's for your sake as much as hers. |
   DOUG.
http://www.silversun-enterprises.webs.com |
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Goldenmane
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4964 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2011 : 07:03:41 AM
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| I can only imagine how you feel. Sending you lots of love. (Bless your little niece, must have been a great comfort.) |
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Nut
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2838 Posts |
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Ennik
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1923 Posts |
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justine
Gold Member
England
641 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2011 : 1:03:54 PM
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Taking Nan to GP tomorrow so he can check her out. He is staying in contact with me and advising. He says if she gets any worse he will have her admitted but she would hate that!
Our GP is a private one, he did actually fast track the specialist appt.
Nan paid into Bupa for many years then cancelled because she thought was a waste of money. I guess she didnt expect to ever need them.
Told nan she has to have a little walk around the garden to keep her joints moving and get a little fresh air.
Ive got her some protein shakes from boots and she said `Im not drinking that, its for old people` ha ha, next plan is to diguise it in some custard or angel delight.
Just bought a blender so I can make soups with lots of good stuff in.
Thanks again everyone xxx |
jbassindale |
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LYNDILOU
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
13976 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2011 : 3:16:24 PM
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| well done , as Doug said take control now , it will make you feel better and give you direction and focus for the time ahead. lets hope its not the C , but if it is you are going to need all your strength and focus.( hugs) For Nan. x |
www.dreamfield-arabians.com |
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Ennik
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1923 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2011 : 7:37:47 PM
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| Here's to you Justine, you can't do any more. I'm sure you know we are all with you ...... |
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complete novice
Gold Member
831 Posts |
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CINDERS
Gold Member
England
750 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2011 : 12:10:30 PM
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Good luck at the docs.
Protein shakes are good but they taste rubbish. Custard, Rice pudding and soups made with full fat milk and cream all helped my friends father
As Doug has said anything that is a natural diuretic should help her Kidneys. If they are not working properly she'll feel awful. Dandelions are good (can go into a salad or soup, nettles also and if you can get it slippery elm is wonderful if old fashioned. My nan swore by calfs foot jelly but don't think this is available now so Brands essence is a good bet. Marmite helps with appetite because of the vitamin B12
All the best
Yvonne |
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Kelly
Platinum Member
England
1571 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2011 : 2:07:23 PM
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Justine, I am so sorry to read this, it really strikes a chord with me at the moment (I won't hijack your thread, I'm going to start my own!)
I know how you feel, I'm currently worrying about my own nan who lives alone and is deteriorating.
Luckily, we have lots of people on here offering very useful advice, and taking control should help us feel a bit better about the situation - at least as well as we're able.
You're clearly a lovely person and you DO have it inside you to do this.
Hugs for you and your nan. |
Kelly
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very sad, advise?
