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jaj
Platinum Member
 United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
 Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 7:57:15 PM
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Friend of mine is about to lose her house, she is absolutely broke with loads of debts but has a horse. I wouldn't describe her horse as a luxury more of a lifeline to be honest in giving her a purpose and something to keep plodding on for. Many others would say she shouldn't keep a horse if it means foregoing her property (she is 37yrs old and going into rented once she sells her house to pay off her debts ~ I doubt she will ever get back onto the property ladder to be honest as she earns very little.)
Don't know what my point is really, just curious as to what other people think. I doubt that the cost of the horse is make or break but as she earns very little, his keep claims quite a high percentage of her income so is he a luxury or a very necessary part of her life?
Jen
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Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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Malak
Silver Member
Panama
315 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:12:18 PM
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My husband will def say they're a luxury... hehe!! but he's also understood that they are a huge part in who I am.
I had to leave my boy behind when we moved to Saudi, and thats the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. He is my ''firstborn'', the one I learned about responsibility from, and who tought me what unconditional love is.
For some horses may be a luxury, I then mean those who keep them as a status symbol for others envy. For most the horse is a family member, who stays with them in good and bad. I believe this lady must be truly greatful that she's got her horse's mane to hide her tears in during a very difficult time, and I hope things work out for her so she doesnt need to give up her good friend :) |
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SueB
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3218 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:15:24 PM
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You have posted something very close to my heart.
I have seen many people fall by the wayside due to the 'need' to keep going with horses.
How many times do we see so called rescue centres struggling to cope with debt just to keep going? most of these are well intentioned but fail to realise the real cost of keeping horses. When trouble strikes, ie no money! they ask for our help. You can only be a rescue centre if you have the funds to do so, otherwise don't bother.
Why do people do it? why lose your home for the cause of a horse?
We have no reason to doubt that these people have every good intention in their hearts, why do they more than often end up always asking for help?
I know of more than a few who have sold thier homes to finance Arabs, even changed a livestyle to live in a caravan and sell a good and lovely house to do so!
I am the worlds best realist, and am often accused for being so.
Please will people get real.......we only live once and life is so short. A home is a life and a horse is a luxury, get things into perspective and deal with it.
Sad as it is to part with an equine friend, what price do you put on your family?
What is the good of trying to be part of the Arab scene if you can't afford to pay for bedding or feed?
No one who is genuinely a caring horse lover would criticize anyone for being poor, but we all criticize the person who can't feed a horse.
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Edited by - SueB on 05 Apr 2008 8:20:36 PM |
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Mrs DJ
Gold Member
632 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:17:24 PM
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Difficult one, this !
I go without holidays, new clothes, haircuts and have much less sleep than I'd like because of the horse. I can't imagine life without her and happily forgo all these things. I also continue to do a job I loathe to pay for her keep. However.......
My husband & children also miss out on the holidays, as hubby refuses to go without me. I am also reluctant to accept invitations to anywhere, as I can't bear not to see her at least twice a day. I freely admit to being a selfish b..ch when it comes to these things.
If it came to losing my childrens home though, or for them not to have their needs met, I would have to put them first, so I suppose it depends on whether keeping her horse is seriously affecting other people for the worse. |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:25:29 PM
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The lady is not married and doesn't have children so it is only her who is affected by this decision. The discussion I had with another friend earlier in the day is that her horse is a luxury to most people looking in at the situation. If she cannot afford to keep her house then surely it is the slippery slope to start renting (and a decrepit old mobile home at that) when quite possibly that extra £200 or so a month spent on the horse MIGHT have meant she could have kept her house. She loves him to bits though and as I say doesn't have a family so maybe she has got her priorities right?
Jen
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Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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Mrs DJ
Gold Member
632 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:45:36 PM
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My husband and I often discuss the possibility of selling up and buying a liveaboard boat when the kids leave home, so I wouldn't be horrified at the thought of living in a mobile home, although we're not in debt, just fancy that kind of life.
If your friend has no one to consider but herself, in my opinion everyone needs something that makes life bearable, and if she can afford to live and keep her horse properly, after she clears her debts, then that is what she should do.
If she's forced to sell up anyway, taking away her purpose in life would be soul destroying I think - there wouldn't be much point to anything  .
Just my opinion.
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rosyw
Platinum Member
England
3756 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 8:53:04 PM
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Hi Jen, this really is a tough one. I know a lot of people would say that if things are so difficult financially she should part with her horse, BUT, if she only has herself to worry about and the horse obviously means so much to her, then she is probably right to keep it. When things get really bad you need something to keep you grounded, if it was me I know I'd do whatever it took to keep the horse. I'm sure your friend would always do the right thing for her horse, and if it became impossible for her to keep it she would do her utmost to make sure it was either sold on or loaned to a very good and thoroughly vetted home.
I wish her all the best and hope things get better for her in the near future. |
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Zenitha
Gold Member
England
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:01:30 PM
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 I can't disagree any more strongly that to many a horse is NOT a luxury !(and I'm not just talking about Arabs here.)
In the 'real' world, many people wait and save for many years before they can afford a horse. To these people, their horse is NOT a disposable luxury, it is a deep love, akin to that you feel for your pet dog, or perhaps even deeper.
I am the person who started like this, many years ago. I now own 5 horses (with another due in days) and although my aim is to breed Arabs, albeit on a small (but quality scale), I am struggling with the idea of parting with any I breed - because I care very deeply for them and know only too well that even if they are sold to a good home, there is no guarantee they will stay there....
Those people who do breed or deal in horses, while no doubt caring for their welfare, do learn to distance themselves from them - they must do or they would be like me !
The lady mentioned obviously cares very deeply for her horse, and I totally agree that he is probably a lifeline for her. There is no mention of any children, and unless the horse is worth a considerable amount of money, selling it would not change her immediate situation.
Sue B - I don't know why you always seem to have this idea that unless you 'have money' you cannot care properly for your equine friends - it is quite insulting! There must be many of us out here who never have any money, who go without holidays, clothes etc but whose horses wear the best rugs, are well fed, wormed, vaccinated and also receive individual love and care.
My bills are paid and my kids well cared for but me, I go without so that my horses don't, they are my escape from the pressures of working 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, with 3 young children, 2 of which are disabled - if I didn't have my horses, I don't know what I'd do - and there are plenty of folk out there who feel the same - they are definately NOT a luxury to us !
Should the time ever come that keeping my horses was compromising the quality of my childrens' lives, obviously things would have to change. I think you will find that no matter how much people love their horse, they would rather part with it than see it go without proper care if they cannot afford to give it.
A home is most definitely NOT 'a life' - it is bricks and mortar, no more. Life is family, friends and filling your life with the things you love, eg horses. People are so materialistic these days, and do lose sight of what is truly important.
Jen, if your friend is going to lose her home regardless, and you don't mention kids, I think to lose her horse as well would be awful. If he is the motivation to keep her going,then she needs him. I for one would be quite happy living in a caravan if it meant I could gaze out at my horses every day (which is probably what I'll do when the kids have flown the nest  )
Sorry for such a long post but I'm cross ! |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:02:16 PM
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I do tend to agree that her horse gives her something to strive towards in getting her life back in some sort of order and is therefore essential to her pyschological wellbeing. There is no neglect whatsoever, to the contrary his needs are paramount so I have no concerns with regard to welfare ~ more the state of her bank balance I suppose!
Jen
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Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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gossy
Platinum Member
England
3639 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:10:24 PM
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| It is a difficult one, but if she is having to sell her house i fear that just owning a horse is probably the least of her debts, from experience its things that have to and need to be paid for that cause the most debt if not paid, selling the house is the last resort i would of thought. |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:10:24 PM
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Jane sorry we crossed posts. She is going to lose her home anyway, she is so in debt that this is the only way to get various creditors off her back and start afresh. You are right that her little chap isn't worth a great deal but it is the livery, farrier, dentist, feed merchant bills etc that eat away a proportion of all our monthly income. As you say, many of us go without so that we can keep horses (and our families do suffer in a small way ~ certainly we have not been on holiday for a while now although that is due to other financial commitments rather than keeping a horse although of course it all contributes to the outgoing exceeding the incoming!).
She loves him to bits and has only had him a couple of years realising a lifelong ambition to own a horse, I do worry at the stress of it all for her though but as another friend said to me, for all the stress they cause they are also our saviours in times of gloom!
Jen |
Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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Zenitha
Gold Member
England
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:12:54 PM
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Yep, thats the point. No matter how bad your day - time spent with you horse and it all washes away - even if only temporarily. Brilliant stress buster.
PS love your mare |
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Edited by - Zenitha on 05 Apr 2008 9:13:49 PM |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:16:15 PM
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Thanks Jane  , I love her too   ! She's the light of my life (along with OH and children of course !)
Jen
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Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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joanna_piana
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
3935 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:18:56 PM
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| If I didn't have my horse I don't know what I would do with my time. I think I would just be existing rather than living and what would be the point in that. Therefore my horse is definatlely not a luxury but my reason for living. Of course buying another one would definately be a luxury but i'm sure I will be doing that in the near future but if my circumstances changed then I would defo sell the second one if I had too. |
      
Harthall Rashida RIP, Binley Ishara, Bouchan
Chorleywood, Hertfordshire |
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s.jade
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2401 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:20:16 PM
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Having had some really rotten times I know I've always turned to my horses.
Yes they are a luxury in some ways, but in others a lifeline.
I can honestly say had I not had my horses, I may not be sta here typing this today, so for me they are more than luxury, they are part of life, always have been, always will be.
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arabic
Platinum Member
England
4562 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:22:29 PM
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It's a very difficult one. I suppose those who dont have horses would say it was a luxury, whereas we who have them tend to see a different picture.
My first thought when my son was bitten by the bug and OH said "get him a horse" was OMG we cant afford that!!! My Dad, bless him, thought it was the worst move I ever made and regularly whinged about the expense and money I was throwing at "that horse". "That Horse" kept my son off the streets through all his teenage years, all his pocket money went to keep him and inspired him to get odd jobs. I think this went towards the making of a very special young man.
Now I am enjoying Freddie. I could do lots of other things with the money but I dont even think about it. Automatically each month I take out what I need for him(necessities) and see what I have left to play with.
It's a shame your friend has found herself in this dreadful situation. Perhaps she could look to rent a field and have grass keep through the summer and maybe take stock again later in the year. It makes me so cross when you see people like your friend who fall on hard times when there are those out there, living way beyond their means, up to their eyeballs in debt and still keeping their heads above water!!!
Hope she find a way.
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:26:19 PM
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They are such an important part of our lives for sure. I can remember coming out of hospital after having a horrendous time giving birth to my twins 10 weeks prematurely and walking down to see my girl (not easy as had caesarian and other complications). It was just magical, made everything in the world seem ok again. When they were doing horrid things to me in the hospital I used to close my eyes and think of her and just concentrate very hard on looking at her beautiful head and it helped so much to take myself away from the yukky situation at that time. Sorry rambling now .
Jen |
Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:28:02 PM
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Thanks Sandie, I hope she's going to be ok too .
jen |
Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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gossy
Platinum Member
England
3639 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:29:44 PM
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| or the opposite, i know of a few people who do not work, one of them has 10 horses and rents a yard(dont figure) the state must be paying them alot these days, and another with 2 horses she also doesnt work and seems to always have the latest things for her horses, ie rugs, tack!! |
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Zenitha
Gold Member
England
1078 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:30:01 PM
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| Don't worry , we've all been there , even down to the horrid caesarian gone wrong thingy |
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Edited by - Zenitha on 05 Apr 2008 9:32:53 PM |
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gossy
Platinum Member
England
3639 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:36:21 PM
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Hi Jen, did you manage to get the Alpha a oil??
Paula. |
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jaj
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4324 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:39:47 PM
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Ah yes Paula I did thank you! Stepped up my search and came up trumps, started feeding it at the back end of last week so just sitting back now to watch her pile on the condition before she goes off to stud ~ little skinny minnie she is in winter these days.
Jen
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Kuraishiya (Maleik el Kheil/Kazra el Saghira) and Sahara Bey (Kuraishiya/WSA Charismma) |
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gossy
Platinum Member
England
3639 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 9:41:35 PM
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| I have one like that, she came to me 6 weeks ago, and since being on Alpha a oil she is looking great!! |
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heatherr
Platinum Member
England
1882 Posts |
Posted - 05 Apr 2008 : 10:11:57 PM
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| Yes horses probably are a luxury. But then, so is chocolate, wine and tobacco and what exactly do they give back? - nothing. Whatever keeps you sane I say. |
Heather
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Zan
Platinum Member
Scotland
3213 Posts |
Posted - 06 Apr 2008 : 09:39:58 AM
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To call a horse a luxury it must have been bought in the first place as a "possession"---a means to an end of some sort whether in some sport or showing discipline. These are not the kind of horse owners I identify with and no doubt all of them would sell their horses before it affected their lifestyle.
Jen---this is clearly not the case with your friend's horse. He is her friend. How can you sell your friends when you hit hard times? I would sell everything I had to keep my horses. Life wouldn't be worth living without them, or if I felt I had betrayed their trust by selling them on. And no---you don't need to be wealthy to care for horses properly---it is all a matter of priorities. |
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barbara.gregory
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
4531 Posts |
Posted - 06 Apr 2008 : 10:02:01 AM
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Sorry to hear of this lady's problems. You say she has no family; I would disagree. Her horse is her family and if she can manage to keep him and look after him properly then I think she should.
He is a friend to cuddle, a shoulder to cry on, a thing of beauty to just enjoy looking at and a reason to carry on in difficult times.
Barbara |
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