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LYNDILOU
Platinum Member
 United Kingdom
13976 Posts |
 Posted - 22 Mar 2007 : 9:08:15 PM
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funny insurance claims
real funny quotes from insurance claims
The biggest and best list of funny insurance claims forms gaffes. Real amusing motor insurance claims forms gaffes have been making us laugh for decades. Here are the best funny insurance claims all in one list.
See also real letters to Islington Council Housing Department, real funny Family Fortunes answers, and real funny Weakest Link answers.
Please send us any new funny insurance claims that you read about or receive.
funny motor insurance claims
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early." (thanks N Bradley)
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - ack N Shepherd)
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
"My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim. (Thanks Jay Kuivinen)
Please send us any new funny insurance claims you know or read about.
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The use this material is free provided copyright (funny insurance claims collection, design, code, Alan Chapman 1995-2006) is acknowledged and reference or link is made to the www.businessballs.com website. This material may not be sold, or published in any form. Disclaimer: Reliance on information, material, advice, or other linked or recommended resources, received from Alan Chapman, shall be at your sole risk, and Alan Chapman assumes no responsibility for any errors, omissions, or damages arising. Users of this website are encouraged to confirm information received with other sources, and to seek local qualified advice if embarking on any actions that could carry personal or organisational liabilities. Managing people and relationships are sensitive activities; the free material and advice available via this website do not provide all necessary safeguards and checks. Please retain this notice on all copies.
© funny insurance claims collection, design, code, alan chapman 1995-2006
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arabic
Platinum Member
England
4562 Posts |
Posted - 22 Mar 2007 : 9:32:30 PM
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| Reminds me of the Jasper Carrot shows (years ago) he used to tell some brilliant ones!! |
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Grey Girl
Platinum Member
England
1554 Posts |
Posted - 23 Mar 2007 : 5:51:14 PM
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You get any number from drivers who hit motorcyclists from behind and then claim that the motorcylist was to blame because they were reversing at speed.
Motorbikes can't reverse.
(well, actually, I believe some models now can - slowly - but at the time when I saw the claim forms they didn't!)
Grey Girl
PS My fav real claim is from Australia about the two gay men, the hamster and the lighter... |
 Said the little eohippus, "I´m going to be a HORSE"  |
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madmare
Platinum Member
England
2129 Posts |
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Grey Girl
Platinum Member
England
1554 Posts |
Posted - 23 Mar 2007 : 7:54:46 PM
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Madmare: you may be sorry you asked! Send me a way to reach you then!
Grey Girl
PS It is a true story, it was on an ombudsman's report! |
Said the little eohippus, "I´m going to be a HORSE" |
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unicorn leather
Bronze Member
England
229 Posts |
Posted - 23 Mar 2007 : 8:14:17 PM
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Grey Girl, the Honda Goldwings have reverse. My Triumph needs one when I'm on a slope and need to go backwards and being vertically challenged it's hard to reverse it!
AND please pm me too with the Australian one, two gay men, a hamster and alighter!
I do have a vivid imagination but think it might be better read in private!
Oz:) |
Traditional Working Saddler |
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Judith S
Platinum Member
Wales
15686 Posts |
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unicorn leather
Bronze Member
England
229 Posts |
Posted - 23 Mar 2007 : 11:08:13 PM
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Judith, did you get my e mail about the banana bag I have sent you?
Please test it out for me on your saddle as best you can,then when you have finished, keep it.Thanks for being my "tester", it's on it,s way, Oz :) |
Traditional Working Saddler |
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D
Silver Member
England
298 Posts |
Posted - 23 Mar 2007 : 11:56:32 PM
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Grey Girl, is that the Armmegedon one?? My B/F used to have the vid I'm sure (it was on the news in America)
Oz, I knew that about the Goldwing LOL I'm hoping to get a Thunderace next year!! Bikes are my other passion DOH! |
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unicorn leather
Bronze Member
England
229 Posts |
Posted - 24 Mar 2007 : 1:08:12 PM
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Well done D,you'll enjoy that Thunderace!
Oz:) |
Traditional Working Saddler |
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