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primrosepye
Silver Member
433 Posts |
 Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 4:23:49 PM
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Yes, uggy topic, but should i clean Alf's sheath?
I have never even touched his 'manhood' - so if you think i should, could you let me know how and what with, so i dont get kicked???
Ewwwww 
Prim
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Arachnid
Platinum Member
England
1872 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 4:35:02 PM
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I never have (very quietly) but I dont think Spider would let me anyway. Judith has a yucky little rhyme albeit in American English all about the dreadful deed.. Come on Judith  |
   
West Sussex |
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Minty Arab
Silver Member
England
482 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 4:52:31 PM
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eeewwwww! thank goodness i have a mare! but as far as i remember you can buy sheath cleaning stuff (i think baby oil works aswell but better confirm that with someone else first!) they only need cleaning if they have a real build up of gunky stuff as it can get quite flakey and sharp, its a long time since i had a gelding but we used to wait while he was sleepy/relaxed when he would let it hang out anyway,he sometimes did this if you gave him a good groom or a scratch, them we used to wash it with a flannel and the cleaning stuff making sure it was well soaked then wipe gently,he was fine with it.
happy cleaning!
Emma X |
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susan p
Gold Member
Scotland
915 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 4:59:57 PM
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| My advice is to leave well alone(you will probably be glad to hear) |
www.blackislearabians.com
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the ways its animals are treated
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Judith S
Platinum Member
Wales
15686 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 5:00:51 PM
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Here you are Prim
Step-by-Step sheath cleaning
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Step 1:
Check to make sure there are no prospective boyfriends, elderly neighbours, or Brownie troops with a line of sight to the proceedings. Though of course they're probably going to show up unexpectedly ANYWAY once you're in the middle of things. Prepare a good explanation.
Step 2:
Trim your fingernails short. Assemble horse, hose, and your sense of humour (plus, ideally, Excalibur cleanser and perhaps thin rubber gloves).
Step 3:
Use hose (or damp sponge) to get the sheath and its inhabitant wet. Uh, that is, do this in a *civilized* fashion with due warning to the horse; he is apt to take offense if an icy-cold hose blasts unexpectedly into his personal regions.
Step 4:
Now introduce your horse to Mr Hand. What I find safest is to stand facing the horse's head, with my shoulder and hip snugly against the horse's thigh and hip so that if he makes any suspicious move such as raising his leg, I can feel it right away and am in any case pressed so close that all he can do is shove, not really kick. The horse should be held by an assistant or by your free hand, NOT tied fast to a post or to crossties. He may shift around a good bit if he's not happy with Mr Hand's antics, but don't be put off by that; as long as you are patient and gradual, and stick close to his side, he'll get over it.
Remember that it would be most unladylike of you to simply make a direct grab for your horse's Part. Give the horse a clue about what's on the program. Rest your hand against his belly, and then slide it back til you are entering The Home of the Actual Private Part. When you reach this first region of your destination, lube him up good with Excalibur or whatever you're using.
If the outer part of his sheath is really grungy you will feel little clods and nubblies of smegma peeling off as you grope around in there. Patiently and gently expedite their removal.
Step 5:
Thus far, you have probably only been in the outer part of the sheath. The Part Itself, you'll have noticed, is strangely absent. That's because it has retired shyly to its inner chambers. Roll up them thar sleeves and follow in after it.
Step 6:
As you and Mr Hand wend your way deeper into the sheath, you will encounter what feels like a small portal that opens up into a chamber beyond. Being attentive to your horse's reaction, invite yourself in <vbg>. You are now in the inner sanctum of The Actual Private Part. It's hiding in there towards the back, trying to pretend it isn't there. Say hi and wave to it.. No, really, work your finger back and forth around the sides of it. If the horse won't drop, this is your only shot at removing whatever dried smegma is clinging to the surface of the Part itself. So, gently explore around it, pulling out whatever crusty topsoil you find there. Use more water and more Excalibur if necessary to loosen attached gunk.
Step 7:
When Mr. Hand and the Actual Private Part have gotten to know each other pretty well, and the Part feels squeaky clean all around, there remains only one task: checking for, and removing, the bean. The bean is a pale, kidney-shaped accumulation of smegma in a small pouch just inside the urethra. Not all horses accumulate a bean, but IME the majority do, even if they have no visible external smegma. So: the equine urethra is fairly large diameter, and indeed will permit you to very gently insinuate one of your slimmer fingers inside the urethral opening. Do so, and explore upwards for what will feel like a lump or "pea" buried no more than, I dunno, perhaps 3/4" in from the opening. If you do encounter a bean, gently and sympathetically persuade it out with your finger.
This may require a little patience from BOTH Mr Hand AND the horse, but the horse will be happier and healthier once it's accomplished. In the rare event that the bean is too enormous for your finger to coax out, you might try what I did (in desperation) last month on the orange horse: Wrap thumb and index finger around the end of the Part and squeeze firmly to extrude the bean. Much to my surprise it worked an orange horse did NOT kill me for doing it and he does not seem to have suffered any permanant damage as a result ;-> I have never in my life seen another bean that enormous, though.
Step 8:
Now all that's left to do is make a graceful exit and rinse the area very thoroughly in apology for the liberties you've taken. A hose will be MUCH easier to use here than just a sponge and bucket, IME. Make sure to direct the water into the Part's inner retreat too, not merely the outer part of the sheath. This may require you to enfold the end of the hose in your hand and guide it up there personally.
Step 9:
Ta-da, you are done! Say, "Good horsie" and feed him lots of carrots. Watch him make funny faces at the way your hands smell. Hmm. Well, perhaps there is ONE more step...
Step 10:
The only thing I know of that is at all effective in removing the lovely fragrance of smegma from your hands (fingernails arms elbows and wherever else it's gotten) is Excalibur. Even then, if you didn't use gloves you may find you've got an unusual personal perfume for a while. So, word to the wise, do NOT clean your horse's sheath just before an important job interview or first date....
and of course, there is that one FINAL step...
Step 11:
Figure out how to explain all this to your mother (or the kid from next door, or the meter reader, or whoever else you've just realized has been standing in the barn doorway speechlessly watching the entire process).
Now, go thou forth and clean that Part :)
anon |
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Edited by - Judith S on 27 Nov 2008 5:01:42 PM |
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Minty Arab
Silver Member
England
482 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 5:14:07 PM
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and again eeeewwwwwwww! now im really,really glad i have a mare! very well written instructions though,perhaps you should publish an idiots guide to sheath cleaning!
you could make a fortune!
Emma X |
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Songbird
Bronze Member
England
152 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 5:59:24 PM
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| Zak tells me when he needs his sheath cleaning . It's really funny , the first time it happened I got the vet , thought he was in pain or something as each time I went near him he kicked at himself and then would hold a hind leg up so high that he was in danger of losing his balance. When vet came Zak wouldn't perform even when vet hid round the corner . I was in hysterics by the end of the visit and Zak still wouldn't let vet near his sheath but the minute he had gone he started performing . I got the message and set to work with warm water . Vet said don't use anything but ppure water . After a while and a fair bit of gunk removal Zak was happy and didn't do the strange dance again . He does this every couple of years and is most happy when he's clean . It has to be warm water and when he's fine he won't let me touch his sheath so I think he's quite a clever boy . He would probably say that he knows how to manipulate his human! |
Kit Rolfe |
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Theo
Silver Member
England
368 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 8:52:28 PM
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A word of warning, I am told that smegma can be carsenogenic (sp?, I have always worn latex gloves for this task! Have fun!
T  x |
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paul_exe
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
2022 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 9:46:15 PM
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Had horse for over 30 years, and have never cleaned one. They would not get cleaned in the wild....
This is the job for the groom where I keep my horses.... Poor Girl...
Paul |
     
Get over yourself: You breathe, you fart, what makes you different?
Gloriously Sunny Devon |
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Vera
Membership Moderator
United Kingdom
8652 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 9:53:42 PM
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PAUL  - but there's no such thing as geldings in the wild!!! |
    
Hampshire |
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linda
Platinum Member
United Kingdom
1772 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 9:56:47 PM
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Oh my! Judith.... your discription is SO accurate, this brings back so many memories
So many people used to ask me how I could do it!
I just used to say "it's godda be done"
Lx
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dreammagic
Gold Member
Scotland
641 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 11:37:03 PM
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Make sure you don't broadcast that you are doing it, them non horsy folks just don't understand  |
    
Equine Photograpic 1st 3 pics, JPS EQUINE 4th pic |
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Admin
AL Admin
United Kingdom
1353 Posts |
Posted - 27 Nov 2008 : 11:48:57 PM
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| thank goodness for Judith, finally a step by step instruction lol |
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Judith S
Platinum Member
Wales
15686 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 07:31:10 AM
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| I must add - that over my years of horse owning - I have rarely indulged!!! I was told by a Vet that once you start SC - you need to keep it up - so to speak |
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kofihorse
Bronze Member
241 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 08:58:54 AM
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I have found that the best way to do it is to use KY jelly. Khan usually displays his manhood during a longer grooming session (ie not just when he has a brush whizzed over him)so I can see when it needs cleaning. I put KY into both palms and gently smooth it on. He then retracts it all and I slather another handful around up inside.
You can actually get away with doing nothing else as the KY dissolves the dirt and it mostly runs out or they wipe it off on their legs. I don't use sponges or anything, just wear rubber gloves if I have to wipe around inside.
The other way I can tell he needs it doing is if he scratches for a while before getting up after rolling, leaving sticky black patches inside his back legs.
I wouldn't bother doing it unless horse needs it. Khan tolerates it but he keeps a beady eye on me the whole time....... |
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Pasha
Platinum Member
England
3622 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 09:30:38 AM
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Unfortunately for me, Pasha's needs cleaning on a regular basis!!! I think he lets it all hang out when he's asleep as I find woodchip stuck up there often! I know when it needs to be done as it itches him and he tries to kick it! (probably every month or so)
My Vet very kindly showed me how to do it and advised using very mild baby shampoo and very warm water - so I basically put on a latex glove, cover it in soap and use that to loosen all the bits that have collected up there (sometimes there is loads) and then get a sponge and squeeze tons of warm water up there to rinse it off!
I was told to put Baby Oil on it by a friend to stop bits sticking up there, but the vet said not to! |
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SEZ
Gold Member
England
1101 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 09:32:06 AM
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| I tried it once. Obi and I agreed to keep our relationship strictly platonic in future. |
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Esstaana
Bronze Member
England
192 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 1:58:30 PM
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Hahaha Sez - so funny hehe!!
Must admit ive never tried it (luckily always had mares)
But my friend had a gelding who needed it doing quite often and I dont know if she was doing it wrong or what but he seemed to start to enjoy it a bit TOO much!! - good job he was a gelding!!! although he was a hugh 16.2 cob!! |
   
Adh Esstaana
Wigan, Lancashire |
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precious
Platinum Member
England
2253 Posts |
Posted - 28 Nov 2008 : 2:21:14 PM
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heheheh so funny im laughing my head off at work!!! and im getting very funny looks
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Gemma Thompson
Birmingham West Midlands
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